Falling in love is easy but staying in love is hard work. I don’t think I am jaded, I actually still believe in love. At least I still enjoy watching romantic movies.
Recently, I was watching Notting Hill, a 1999 movie where Hugh Grant still looked so young and adorable with his floppy hair, fluttering blue eyes and cute English accent. Julia Roberts was ageless of course. I must have watched this movie 10 times and I still enjoy the romance and feel-good happy ending. I guess I am a sucker for romance. I believe in the whole works — the courtship, flowers and gifts, the first kiss, getting over the awkwardness, etc. Yet, when I am asked if I would consider another relationship, I would always say no.
I don’t think I have the strength to go through another heartache. More importantly, I can’t find the energy to want to get to know someone all over again, get over the inevitable disappointments, accommodate and compromise. Plus I enjoy my own space and me-time too much to want to share it with someone who will want to be constantly in my life. Some friends think that it is because I have not met the right person. So, does it mean that when you meet the right person, everything will just fall into place magically and there is no need to work at it? I don’t think so. I think in any relationship, both parties have to do their share of work and give and take. Or, does it mean that when the right person comes along, you will magically have the energy to do all that? If that’s the case, then I won’t mind if one day, I will suddenly have that energy.
So where do you meet people? I have a few male friends who are single or divorced. These are people I have known for years. I have never felt anything romantic towards them over the years, so I can’t imagine it will magically start. A couple of them I have dated years ago but these went nowhere and we eventually broke off. So I guess these are not the right people.
Then I tried online dating on OK Cupid where women gets to be members for free and men had to pay. Because I uploaded a makeover photo taken at a studio with the right makeup and touch up, I got a lot of attention. I started chatting with a few guys but eventually, I lost interest. There was an English guy that I liked and chatted with for a few months on What’s App. Then he suddenly disappeared. Thanks a lot, Mark! Then there was this local guy who wanted to have coffee. By the time I was ready, he saw a recent photo of me on What’s App with my all-silver hair and he beat a quick retreat. So shallow, TJ. Eventually, I disabled my account. I ran out of energy.
I asked a feng shui friend if there is a second marriage on the horizon. He said it was advisable not to because he could see 3 major broken relationships in my life and I have only gone through 2. Really? So perhaps if I take on a 3rd relationship and get it over and done with, I could settle into my 4th relationship with a happy ending. But I don’t think I will be able to survive another broken relationship; the last one that ended in divorce was hard enough.
Still, I dream about a romantic love and a gentleman who will love me and take care of me. I won’t have a care in the world because he will have lots of money and we will travel the world whenever it suits us. I won’t need to do any housework because we will have maids. I will continue to live a good life and have dreams, but I won’t be waiting for this love to be coming anytime soon.